my chaotic life

so yah I am complaining.. But I just need to write this out or i will become crazy. Ermm. Now that sounds dramatic. No, really. I keep distracting myself from one thing I really care about. Not that I don't care about other things. Well, let just keep that to myself shall we. What I really want to write about is how I ended up forgetting everyone else that I also care. I got way too caught up with my life and I forgot that there are others who really care and love me. I forgot to appreciate their unconditional love.

I forgot to call my mother on her birthday. I already skipped wishing her on Mother's day. And now I missed her birthday. I know she was so sad when she had to remind me that her birthday was days ago. And the worst part is, I didn't even realize I forgot my mum's birthday until she reminded me. I feel like the worst daughter in the world.

My mum's reaction huh??

She was so cool about it. She could laugh when she reminded me I forgot her birthday. But I know she was really sad about it. And that is just how great my mother is. She never makes a big deal when there are stuff in her life hurts her. But still, I know she was so sad. I feel so bad about it.

I did not forget my mum completely though. I actually bought her a handbag and a watch for her birthday weeks ago. But being an idiot as I always be, I completely forgot  to wish her ON her birthday.

I know its really unforgivable. And I really sucks in apologizing. But I hope I can make it up to her when I go back in about two weeks. And speaking about that, I haven't booked my ticket to the airport yet. Urrrgghh. Too many things that haven't been done.

I love my mum for who she is. But being the usual me, I keep hurting every single one person that I love.

And I know my mum loves me. Thanks for your unconditional love mum. No matter how many time I disappointed her, she will always be there when I need her.

the heartless me.(world doesn't revolve around you, hon)

This is just a random list of things that keep bothering me. This is not a self pity list. I just need to write this out  because I am not that kind of girl who has BFF to talk to. Well I kinda have one. But I don't really talk to her the way we used to. So yeah. Here's the list.

*I know I am a bad person, but I can't help it. I keep hurting everyone who loves me. (and loved me) And yeah. I keep hurting myself too.
* I am way too selfish to just walk away when I am not needed.
* Sometimes I think I don't deserve to feel even an ounce amount of happiness. (I'm not so stupid. I know happiness is uncountable and can't be measured. I just mean it figuratively) Everytime I feel happy, bad things keep coming back to me. And by bad things I mean all the unfortunate things happen to me, my family, and people I care about.
* Sometimes I feel the world is better off without me. Suicidal thought huh?? Don't worry. I am a coward that I wouldn't dare to hurt myself. Ermm. Maybe. and talking about suicidal, my friend and I were almost crushes by a high speed double decker bus in one of the most amazing cities in the world. (I will write abou that trip later) And that was due to lack of skill to cross the road. So if you have children, please equipped them with superb skill of road crossing.

There is so much to write. But I have to go now to do some routine stuff.

p/s pardon the grammar and the horrible writing and all the complaints. I know its really crap stuff that I am writing.

till then,
XOXO

Insomnia..

I have been on holiday for weeks already but it feels like ages I haven't wrote. Supposedly, I have more free time to write. But yeah, I don't always do things I am supposed to do. *ok, I know it sounds ridiculous* The only reason I don't write more is I don't really have the mood to write. Ok. Scratch that. Its all about laziness all over again. Yah. I am lazy.

Anyway, I have not been sleeping at the supposedly time others usually sleep for months already. Normal people sleeps at night and wake up in the morning but I sleep early in the morning (around 4-5 am) and wake up in the afternoon. I know its very unhealthy. But I just can't help it. I don't want to depend on sleeping pills all the time considering the amount of drugs I have to take due to my other health problems. *I am NOT a drug addict;drugs I take are prescribed by my doctor*

OK. Nak tuka topic; (kalau buat academic writing untuk lecturer tetibe tuka topic sesuka hati macam ni, confirm kene lempang laju-laju dan down gila bila dapat balik result assignment)

Last week, I watched Harry Potter with my buddies. It was as awesome as I expected. The only minor thing that did not reach my expectation was I thought I would cry. I am not a cry baby. Ermm. Ignore that. Ok. I really thought I would cry because there were too many sad events in the plot. But I didn't. Yah. I didn't cry and I am kinda proud of myself. Ceh. It's not that I always cry in cinema. In fact. I never cry if I watch movie in cinema, I won't cry when I watch movie with my friends. But I always cry if I watch sad and melancholy movies alone in my own room. Haha. That's my litlle secret.

Ok. Back to the HP movie and the reason why I didn't cry. I wasn't crying not because the plot was not effective enough. The truth is I almost cried. ALMOST. I DIDN'T cry ok. It was just simply because...

I heard this:

"What??!!! How can Harry die??!!!"

 A girl was screaming at the top of her lungs, shocked when Harry sort of died. Few girls were sobbing so loudly, so sad that they thought Harry really died. I assume they didn't read the book and nobody who actually read the book told them that Harry has to die as he is one of the horcruxes but then he would still live. My colleagues and I could just giggle and we didn't cry. Tak jadi nak feeling dah. But it was still sad.

And the last part. Make up Ginny sungguh tua. And Hermione's make up; looking matured but was still so gorgeous; as Hermione @ Emma Watson always is.

Today has been a long day. And I only slept few hours yesterday. I am so tired right now, and I hope I can sleep early tonight. And just like today. I have to wake up early in the morning tomorrow. Uggghh

Till then

The matrix

The matrix (1999)
The matrix reloaded (2003)
The matrix revolutions (2003)


Of all the three "The Matrix" movies, my favourite is the first one. The plot is just soo awesome and genius. I wonder which genius people came up with such a brilliant idea to make those kinds of movie. To perceive the world we live in as just a virtual reality. The second sequel is packed with actions and stunts and stuff. And I just love how they end the third movie. Leaving the audience with big question mark in their thought, whether this Neo survives or dies in the end.

Somehow or rather, this matrix series have few similarities with inception. Well, I won't say its exactly the same or Inception is copying The Matrix. I would say both movies are awesome, brilliant and genius. But I like The Matrix better.

He is the one..

men in black

I don't usually feel like this, but when I see Keanu Reeves in black like this, I feel he is kinda showing off.Haha

"If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain." (Morpheus, The Matrix)

Soo.. what exactly is real??

Questions that is left unanswered. Ceh.

Till then
XOXO

action movies

I am soo in the mood to watch action movies right now. Now that I am on holiday, I can watch as many movies as I please. Haha. I just watched 4 movies this whole night. Yah. Its 6 in the morning and I haven't slept all day yesterday and all night last night. (pardon the confusing sentences)

So.. All four movies I watched were so awesome. Well, they were actually old but were pretty big time movies in their era. (not sooo old actually) I myself couldn't believe I hadn't watched them.

They were the incredible hulk, and the matrix series. I really want to write more. But I am really tired and I need my sleep like right now. Wonder if people can just pass out because they feel too tired and sleepy.